The Justice Machine! is a simple construct. It is a machine from the distant future designed to dispense the quantity known as Justice! down upon those who deserve a good kick in the ass. It exists to aid mankind in its desperate struggle to figure out, ultimately, what the fuck is really going on.

Unfortunately, in the future that produced The Justice Machine! and its curator, Stiv, it was decided that the real problems with the past weren't necessarily political, but just the large amounts of fucked-up stuff the world produced. Teletubbies hentai dojunshi. Rugrats porn. The Edgar Winter Group. Any videogame made by Hideo Kojima. You get the idea.

It was determined that humanity was making enough fun of this sort of stuff when the Internet fad was something called "E/N", but it quickly faded away as something called "Blogging" took its place as something rich white kids do with their spare time. Historians who study the period told Stiv that in order to conquer the darkness humanity had locked itself into, he would have to combine these two powerful and incredibly dumb trends to get anybody to look at The Justice Machine!. Recently, with the near-death of the blogging fad, Stiv has decided to take The Justice Machine! over to more of a `blog' format, although it remains firmly associated with it's fucking retarded E/N roots.

Unfortunately, this makes the machine much less useful than it probably should be.

The Justice Machine! formerly ran on the most abundant source of fuel in the future, little plastic Jesus action figures. Currently it requires only normal power sources from the present, meaning that it can exist in the present for as long as possible to fix the problems with the world that will cause the future to be so horrible. This could eventually create problems, but neither The Future nor Stiv are too worried about them.

Originally Justice! was measured in discreet quantaties in order to make sure that the machine didn't overstay its welcome in the present (hint: it already has) but since FOOTASTIC exploded (see below) Justice! dispersals are simply now limited to counting the number of times Stiv has bothered to log something in the machine. It turns out that this is a much more useful measurement than counting actual Justice! since it requires even less work on Stiv's behalf.

And he couldn't agree with you more! This is why Stiv brought back an unassuming robot pal sculpted from Legos and remnants of Hitler's brain, bound together with a super-rad material from the future known only as 'duct tape'. This machine was named FOOTASTIC for some reason, probably because scientists in the future are lonely. FOOTASTIC never worked very well, and eventually it exploded in a horrible accident involving an E-Z Bake oven and, well, Hitler's Brain. Since Stiv needed an intelligent component of one of history's greatest monsters to continue The Justice Machine!, he requested that Stalin's brain be sent back from the future. Upon arrival Stiv was much too bored and lazy to rebuild FOOTASTIC, so he just stuck Stalin's brain into a modern computer case and installed Movable Type on it. The result is the current layout of the webpage and the fact that Justice! no longer needs to be counted, since Stalin's brain is adequitely powered by modern electricity.